Not always bad

Sometimes I feel sad that Avery's blog is almost always about negative things. That my entries are full of complaints or sadness. While being Avery's mom is very difficult and life has a void without her, being her mom also fills me with joy. She is my little girl. She always will be. She is what made me a mother in the first place. She is why Jude has a chance to survive and live a full life. Those are beautiful things and so is she, in her glorified, whole body, dancing with Jesus and her little friends in Heaven.

I am still forever changed. In good ways and bad ones. I don't believe I needed a lesson in compassion or in appreciating life. But this still happened to me anyway. I just have to believe that special people are chosen to endure these traumas. I know God didn't just point His finger at us and decide to kill our child. He doesn't work that way. He is a loving and caring God, not an evil smiter who longs to strike us with lightning bolts or punish us for things. That's not Who He is. But I do believe He tries to work in us when devastation mutilates our lives. And He does all He can to make something beautiful out of it, to teach others something, to strengthen us through it. Anything He can to put the pieces back together. Because He loves us. I know He never wanted Avery to die. But He knew it would happen. It comes with the territory of being a part of such an imperfect and cruel world, made that way through mankind's free will. That's just the way it is.

And I know I always rave about how people don't get it... and they don't. But there are a few around me who don't forget Avery. I probably don't mention them, since the forgetters outnumber them, but they do exist. They know who they are, and they are very special to me. All it takes is a mention of her name to thrill my heart.