Letter to God

Dear God,

I know things were a little rough between us four months ago, but I know You understand. I used to be kind of upset with You because I couldn't believe You would allow something so horrific to happen to Daniel and me. But now, as my deep wounds have stopped bleeding and I have let You wipe the tears from my eyes, I can see that You were holding me all along and that You did not bring harm our way. You are all-knowing, so You knew it was coming, but You didn't snap Your fingers and make it happen to our little girl. I believe You are at work, trying to help me make something beautiful out of this catastrophe. Something to further Your Kingdom. I thank You for staying by my side, even when I forgot to invite You in.

Thank You for allowing me to see who my true friends are. Those who did not falter, or leave me by the wayside, or cause even more grief during the most difficult time in my life. Please give me the strength and the patience to accept those who do not understand and who slander or offend. Thank You for the family and the friends who have not ceased to pray for us, who let me be myself, and who encourage and help in the healing process. Thank You for bringing back those who didn't know how to be there, but still loved and prayed behind the scenes. Thank You for all the beautiful, fellow Babyloss Moms out there who have been a tremendous support and precious new friends. It amazes me how compassionate strangers can be, when you share a common heartache. Lord, please comfort each and every one of those sweet Mamas who are missing their babies. Bring peace to their hearts and show them Your love. Thank You for the lives Avery has touched and the lives she will continue to touch with the story of her little life. Please let others see how precious and fragile life is, and learn to appreciate the blessings they have instead of focusing on things that don't matter. Please use Avery in any way You can, to reach as many people as possible for the good.

I thank You for our sweet daughter. Even though she wasn't here long, her life with us was the happiest times I've ever had. I don't understand why this had to befall us but I know that You will make the best of it. I am so grateful to You that You allowed me to be the mother of that sweet, perfect little girl. She was the greatest thing I have ever accomplished. I am so proud to be her mother. Thank You for knitting her so lovingly in my womb. I know she's there with You right now. I know You're taking care of her and she's happier than earthly minds can fathom. Give her a little hug for me? Tell her Mommy loves her? Thanks, God.

I pray that You work in me. Continue to heal my heart and Daniel's heart. Please heal my body and shield our future children from the hazards of my blood clotting condition. Please, Lord, never allow us to know what it's like to go through this a second time. Strengthen us and prepare us for the things You have for us in the future. We place it in Your hands. Thank You for remaining at my side, even when I blamed You for our demise. Thank You for never letting go. I love you, Lord. And even with this broken heart, I will praise Your Name.

Love, Your child,
Nicole